Spring is here... again!

Things are going really well. I start working at Lane Bryant on Tuesday; I'm going to Geneseo to see some people this weekend; it's nearly 80 degrees and sunny out; Colleen is coming home soon for a little while; etc, etc. Also I bought 4 dvds for $20 at Blockbuster today (The Constant Gardner, Goodnight and Good Luck, Akeela and the Bee, and Thank you for Smoking)!

Spring really is my favorite season, and I've kind of gotten to experience it twice this year! Before I left DC, the flowers had bloomed and the trees were starting to show leaves. Now that I've been home almost a month, and 1 blizzard later, spring is coming to Upstate NY! Crocuses are starting to bloom and you can see the colored buds of leaves on all the trees. I'm thinking of trying to do a series of photos of places in Sherrill, Oneida, and other CNY hotspots soon. There are a lot of interesting looking places and scenes here that I should probably take advantage of.

Murder and the Media

Is there an international sliding scale that determines the value of a life? When I watch tv/read the newspaper/listen to the radio, I become more and more convinced that there is. As upset as I get when I read news reports about horrible, senseless, violent acts happening on a daily basis, I'm almost more upset about the people's who tragedies go unnoticed (or barely noticed) as a single unheralded news item. Now, clearly American media is going to place more attention on things that happen to Americans, but the disparities in coverage are amazing to me.

Honestly, I didn't put much thought into these things until today, when I was looking at New York Times web page and thought about just how many violent killings there are every day, and how I don't really pay any attention until those killings take place in middle class America. I had to scroll down the page to read the headline "Bombs Rip Through Baghdad, Killing 171". 171 people killed in a single bomb blast. These people are just as much vicitms of being in the wrong place at the wrong time as any one else. Granted, Iraq is in the middle of a bloody war - but should civilian deaths in a time of war seem any less tragic than civilian deaths unrelated to war? 171 people killed in one day - a day that is just one in a string of deadly days. I'm ashamed of myself for not instantly wanting to know who these people were the same way I wanted to know who the victims at Virgina Tech had been. Shouldn't an Iraqi life mean as much to me as an American life? It's amazing how I'm able to compartmentalize horrible death, so that I only have to deal with the real consequences of human violence every once in a while.

It's overwhelming to think about the vast amount of violent death surrounding us every day.
- 1,247 women and 440 men were killed by an intimate partner in 2000.
- There are over 12,000 murders a year in the US (.043 per 1,000 people), and 8,000 of which are murders with firearms.
- There are over 26,000 murders a year in Columbia (.62 per 1,000 people) and 21,898 of which were murder with firearms.
- On average, there are .1 murders per year per 1,000 people worldwide.
And those are just murder statistics. The worst part is that I don't have any idea how to stop it. I also don't want to see more sad stories on the news, and I don't necessarily want to have to think about it. Every time something happens like the horrible killings at Virginia Tech, we tell ourselves that we'll never forget. We tell ourselves that we won't let it happen again. Then, we change the channel, ignore the reports of the 60 people murdered in Russia, and do nothing until something awful happens close to home again.

and for my next trick....

So the pictures in my last post disappeared... I'll have to fix that later.

New Haircut!

Today, my mom and I embarked on a traditionally girly afternoon. First we got our hair cut, and then we went shopping. It was really nice and I got a few new things. We walked around, bought some new clothes, went to lunch, and then came home. It was nice spending time with my mom, and I hadn't really done a shopping day in a while. The most exciting part though is my new haircut. It's actually almost exactly like my old haircut, but not grown out for 4 months. I love it! I really enjoy getting my hair cut and styled. It always makes me feel pampered, and I really like being able to change the way I look. A new haircut is like a fresh start.

Here are some bad pictures that I took with my cameraphone. I feel very 14 year old myspace girl about posting these. But what the heck... very few people read my blog anyway!


My new haircut! [but it's really messy because I didn't think to fix it before the picture]


From the side


Me, being really happy about my new haircut!

Tomorrow a new point of view, these white lights will bend to make blue

I had an interview today at Lane Bryant for a part time sales associate position. I would probably only be working a few shifts a week, but at least I would be doing something. Also, the employee discount would be pretty sweet, so I'd probably spend most of my paycheck amassing a killer wardrobe. Also, I'd be making slightly more than minimum wage, and it might be fun to work retail for a while. I should find out sometime next week whether I got the position or not. Also, I've been finding that it's hard to find a job when I still don't know what it is I want to do. There are some possibilities, however, so I remain optimistic at the end of week three of the "Unemployment Experiment".

I often wish that I was a good writer. I like the idea of telling stories and writing humorous creative non-fiction. Unfortunately, I need a lot of practice before I would be able to write anything that someone who doesn't know me would want to read.

I had a dream last night that there were a lot of people hanging out at my house. Ian was there (probably because I fell asleep talking to him) and then there was a random assortment of people from my life, but it really didn't matter who was there. The dream was less about the people at my house than about the fact that there were people at my house. Actually, I think the dream was mostly about the fact that I was under-dressed for a party I was hosting. By under-dressed I mean than that I was wearing cuffed flannel teddy bear pajama pants and a red shirt and everyone else was wearing normal casual clothes. Since I was, in actuality, wearing the same outfit as in my dream, I must have gotten confused about whether I was asleep or awake, and I started taking my shirt off in my sleep! Well, maybe. I don't really know what happened. I think that I woke up from the dream with my arm out of the sleeve of my shirt, but I only have a vague memory. So, maybe I dreamed that I woke up but was really asleep. It was all very confusing and disorienting. Now, I have a memory of trying to undress myself in my sleep that may or may not be real. Is this some sort of pomo hyperreal joke?

Sore!

Since I'm currently unemployed (aka useless), I decided to join the gym in Sherrill and start working out every day. Unfortunately, what I didn't think about is the fact that I haven't consistently worked out at a gym in at least a year. I woke up so sore this morning. The first day or two I was fine, but yesterday I decided to move beyond the elliptical machine and treadmill into the land of resistance training. When I was living in DC, I was walking pretty consistently and so I don't have any problem going long distances or "running" on the elliptical. But, I really haven't used any sort of weight training since college. My legs, shoulders, arms, thighs, butt, and abs all hurt. In my enthusiasm, I may have started off too strong. But I'm going to keep going. I've done 30-45 mins on the elliptical every day, and even thrown in some stationary bike and treadmill. I really appreciate some good cardiovascular exercise.

Since I'm the probably the last person on the planet who doesn't have an ipod, I bring my little am/fm radio to the gym with me. (Now that I'm thnking about it, I guess I could bring my cd player and put it on the elliptical machine, but it's too big to clip on to my body, so i don't bother.) My radio is little and probably cost me $2.00, so its reception is spotty at best. Indoors it's even worse. I was thinking that I'd be able to listen to my favorite top 40/80's/90's/today music station, 93Q, but I can't get it to come in. Actually, the only station that will come in is Big Frog 104 - the local country music station. I tried running without music, but I just can't do it. Needless to say, I'm becoming familiar with all the newest and hottest country music songs. They may not be my favorite, but I've got to say they do have a good rhythm! So forgive me if I start singing about my tractor or my ex wife the next time we talk.

There's gotta be something more
Gotta be more than this
I need a little less hard time
I need a little more bliss
I'm gonna take my chances
Taking a chance I might
Find what I'm looking for
There's gotta be something more

Five years and there's no doubt
That I'm burnt out, I've had enough
So now boss man, here's my two weeks
I'll make it short and sweet, so listen up
I could work my life away, but why?
I got things to do before die

Salinger and Cadbury Creme Eggs

"Just because I'm so horribly conditioned to accept everybody else's values, and just because I like applause and people to rave about me, doesn't make it right. I'm ashamed of it. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody. I'm sick of myself and everybody else that wants to make some kind of a splash." -- Franny Glass in "Franny and Zooey" by J.D. Salinger

Even though it's very chic for a young woman to relate to Franny Glass, I think it's interesting that I gave into the hype and decided to read "Franny and Zooey" right now. Admittedly, I've only read "Franny" and should really re-read that more carefully before undertaking a criticism or analysis of the text. Nevertheless, this particular passage seems to articulate a lot of what I've been feeling lately. I love it when people love me; I like to be the best; I hate not being good at something; Much of what I have been doing is because I want to be successful, or smart, or worldly, or admired. I hadn't considered, until recently, the courage it really does take to be an absolute nobody and not make a splash. Moving back in with my parents and being unemployed are certainly "nobody" traits, but I do not have the courage to be a nobody yet. Can we really ever be somebody until we have the boldness to be nobody for a while? Having this kind of courage is manifested in a life of humility.

After spending the last 9 months or so thinking about humility and a humble life, it seems that the "courage to be nobody" that Franny is talking about is really a yearning for a more authentically humble life. Humility, from a biblical standpoint, is a really simple concept - consider others better than yourself. It sounds simple, but it's really difficult to do. Imagine if everyone lived as though they were no better than anyone else. I know that this is how I should be living, and yet, I don't because I'm seeking the applause. The splash that I make shouldn't matter to me, and I shouldn't be comparing my splash to everyone else's. Ultimately, I need to focus more on what makes me happy, what will make a difference, and what my calling is and not on what I should be doing and what makes me look successful. If only life were as simple and sweet as Cadbury Creme Eggs at Easter.

Now, I'm no Cadbury fanatic; I only eat one Cadbury Creme Egg every year at Eastertime. I'm not actually convinced that I like the taste of them, but every year I get a craving when I see them in the store. They make my teeth hurt. Today, I had my obligatory Creme Egg in all it's creamy and chocolaty goodness. After the first bite, I thought to myself "Why am I eating this? Chocolate covered sugar is kind of disgusting." But as soon as I saw the orangey-yellow "yolk" of the egg, my heart swelled with the Eggs of Easters past. As I sucked my teeth from the pain of so much sugar and licked my fingers for the last bits, I knew I'd have another egg next year.